this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
