Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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