I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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