from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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