the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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