i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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