just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
