now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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