Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
