literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
