Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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