K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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