im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
