her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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