I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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