The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
