His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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