I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
