I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
