I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
