I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
