Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
