Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
