theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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