It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize