I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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