I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
