one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
