I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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