the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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