I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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