@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
