We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
