I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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