Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
