So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
