So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
