I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
