i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
