You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When are your genitals available?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
