I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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