So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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