I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
