i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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