you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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