Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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