I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
