I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
