Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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