all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
