all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
