I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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