His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
