That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
