All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You're like the curious george of whores
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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