I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
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