I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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