Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
