my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
