I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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