Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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