just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
