i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He? As in you personified your dick?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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