Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
