Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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