your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
