Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
