If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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