I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
